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Key dates related to the State of Colorado legalizing marijuana

• May 28, 2013 Governor Hickenlooper signed several bills into law that implemented Amendment 64 (the legalized dope laws).

• September 9, 2013. The Colorado Department of Revenue adopted the regulations for retail pot stores.

• September 16, 2013. The Denver City Council approves an ordinance governing retail marijuana establishments

• January 1, 2014. The first stores officially opened.

• April, 23. 2014. The first reported instance of a pack of 4th graders trying to expand the scope of the law.

Real Headline. Real Story.

It’s Legal to Sell Pot in Colorado, But Not If You’re in 4th Grade
April 23, 2014 – ABC News
Greeley, Colorado

Knock. Knock. Hello. Hello. Anybody home in that head? Mom? Dad? Hello. Hello.

This story, involves four 4th graders, boys to be exact, some grandparents, an elementary school, and some missing parents.

We begin with one of the 4th graders (aka Youth 1) bringing some dope to school that he swiped from his grandparents which he then sold to three other 4th graders.

Yes, you read that correctly – he swiped some dope from his grandparents. Youth 1 then, according to the ABC story, “sold it to three other fourth graders on the school playground, which resulted in a profit to the young man of $11.” My first reaction was that Youth 1 should have been dealt with harshly, sort of like how people tell me that ditch weed tastes.

However, after a moment of reflection about the matter I realized that this kid is a budding entrepreneur and should be applauded for that. To put some perspective about being judgmental towards him, I ask you this: what was your smokin’ accomplishment in 4th grade? I thought so.

Thankfully there is no way on earth this basic scenario could happen twice in the same town let alone the same school district, same school, or even more unlikely on subsequent days.

Technical note for non-English majors: this previous line is what is called foreshadowing. In boxing it is called telegraphing a punch.

The next day one of his customers from the previous day (aka Youth 2), showed up a with a “marijuana edible” that was also swiped from his grandparents.  Youth 2 then gave the edible to our entrepreneurial lad (Youth 1) who then took a bite. The news story reported that he suffered no “ill effects.” My first thought to this was, bummer, dude. My last thought was bummer, dude, you should have eaten the whole thing. At least they weren’t playing with matches or smoking.

A 4th Grade Word Definition Lesson

Da’ Bomb – a slang phrase that asserts something is awesome.

An example of a situation that deserves being labeled Da’ Bomb.

Not only did this happen twice in the same city, but it happened twice in the same school district, twice at the same school, on subsequent days, and involved a second set of grandparents. The only detail missing, is whether or not this fabulous 4 all have the same teacher. Dude that is Da’ Bomb!

But I digress…

Then there is this tidbit: “Both of these kids took the marijuana without the consent of their grandparents.” That is a really weird quote since it seems to imply that this whole situation would have been all beastly mcbeasters if the boys had received permission from their grandparents to bring Mary Jane to school.

Stuff like this makes one wonder about what is going on with the current crop of grandparents in Colorado. I mean, come on, pot is expensive and getting ripped off is a total downer. And yes, that includes your grandkid; it simply isn’t funny. What a bunch of tools.

These grandparents are doing a ginormous disservice to the grandkids by not being examples of personal responsibility. These Youths need to learn the value of private property. Straight up they need to get a job and buy own their own stash and knock off the stealing. Of course I am assuming the grandparents are able to set a positive example by actually having jobs. This is not 100% certain.

Apparently this is the new normal for grandparents. To highlight this change, my Grandparents were just a wee bit different from the grandparents in this story. For example, I never once saw my Grandmothers wearing hip hugging, tie dyed bell bottoms or my Grandfathers wearing fringed leather vests and sunglasses with blue, round lenses. Plus I never once considered if they had a stash unless it had been recently confiscated from a grandkid after busting them. Of course that confiscation stuff is all speculation (just ignore me going *Cough*, *Cough*, and looking at the toes of my shoes at this point).

I was also struck by the fact that not once in this article were the parents mentioned. Since I am not qualified to be a mental health professional (actually I am only qualified to be professional client) I can’t really make an absolute conclusion about how they impact this situation but I will go way out to the end of very stout and short limb and say Wednesday, Thursday, Friday! (this is code – read the caps). You betcha these baked toads have an itsy bitsy amount of ownership of this whole situation.

The school administration compared the dangers of leaving loose lids lying around to being no different from those posed by leaving booze and prescription drugs lying around. That was a sensible comparison. However, schools being schools, went right to also concluding that the dangers of firearms were pretty much on par with the risks posed by the ole’ ganga. Really? Seriously? I have to be blunt here; there is not one incident on record of anyone carrying a joint into school or a movie theater and making sure that a whole bunch of people never get to come home again. Sigh.

At least the school administration decided not to pursue criminal charges for a change; instead they decided that the gang of four 4th graders will face being suspended for a “significant number of days.” Great. No, not great. Stupid actually. They will probably be unsupervised the whole time and end up robbing banks when their sorry little butts should be in business school. Even 4th grade drug empires should keep proper books.

A much better solution would be to keep them in school and make them eat the Obama broccoli for lunch every single day. Then keep them after school and make them do homework. Lots of extra homework for the next 8 years so we can make sure these kids graduate high school. I am sure some grandparents would be happy to volunteer as tutors or wardens for these four Youths and, if the grandparents happen to be from Colorado, customers.

From the Grateful Dead – conclusion (#1) :

Truckin’, I’m a goin’ home. Whoa whoa baby, back where I belong,
Back home, sit down and patch my bones, and get back truckin’ on.
Hey now get back truckin’ home.

From Cheech & Chong – conclusion (#2):

Dave knocks on the door
Person inside: Who is it?
It’s me, Dave. Open up, man, I got the stuff.
(More knocks)
Who is it?
It’s me, Dave, man. Open up, I got the stuff.
It’s, Dave, man. Open up, I think the cops saw me come in here.
(More knocks)
Who is it?
It’s, Dave, man. Will you open up, I got the stuff with me.
Dave, man. Open up.
Yeah, Dave. C’mon, man, open up, I think the cops saw me.
Dave’s not here.
No, man, I’m Dave, man.

Copyright 2014 By Katherine Johnson – All Rights Reserved.